Week 17 B? In Harmony

WOW - what a week.  After the video conference on Sunday I really had to step back to make sure I was "ALL IN" with this grand experiment.  "WHAT WAS I PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW?"  i haven't been perfect in all my attempts but I have internalized the RED PENCIL idea and I'm not getting too worked up about not being in exact formation... yet I desire this with every fiber of my being and if I don't make the effort now, when do I think I ever would???  
I had already made more 3X5 cards than required, ( I have a stack by my bead, in the bathroom, on my desk at work, and I carry the big important ones in my shirt pocket) and I look at them throughout the day, I say Do It Now 25X several times a day (whenever I get in the car), I say "I am what I will to be" 25X several times a day and even added what I will to be from my DMP at the end of each statement, I am doing the sit and finding more time to be alone, I am reading Og and my DMP 3x a day w/ enthusiasm, I am reading my movie trailer mixed in w/ my cards, I am reading the Master Keys assignment every night before bedtime, I am doing my secret acts of service, doing the daily Franklin experiment -  looking for daily qualities I want to have and marking them on the chart, It took me a couple of days to find a paper w/ the obituaries in them - ich;  I',m planning a funeral for my old self and I am going to make my kids speak...  which I think will be fun;  I have my posters all over the house and touch the colors when I work out and think of the goal statements, I'm in the community w/ my kindness observations every day, I'm doing the blog; I visit the blog of other members and respond,  I watch the video, the webcast, keep up my service card, read the Blue print builder every night as well as the man in the glass - say I love you to myself, study the 7 laws of the mind, read my press release several times a week, read the giving and receiving card daily; am a constant observer;  keeping the mental diet so that whenever I say anything un-toward I get a literal jolt and stop!;  I have pretty much quit t.v. and I am reading books looking for the qualities I desire to acquire;   I  have created a MMA with another member and am working on my game;  I schedule dates w/ wife and family members ... I dive into each chapter and try to NARC it all.  For example, after scroll marked 4 I have begun to wear loud socks to remind me and proclaim my uniqueness, I carry a compass, I also have a puzzle piece in every pants pocket so I am reminded to put all the pieces of my life together, I wear a blue wrist band to remind me to meditate - and be calm; and I continually tweek and re-word my DMP so I capture my real heart felt desires... I have committed myself to never quit and that it is all worth the effort and ALL OF THAT has become second nature.  But........
WHAT AM I PRETENDING TO KNOW?
Pondering this question has been the knock out punch for me!
I know that I committed to a new and better life...
That I am becoming a better loving person, the one I always wanted to be;
I am happier, working on being healthier;
I've committed to persist...
I believe that I am natures greatest creation...
I'm experimenting with mentally creating my day each morning around my DMP and then analyzing my progress at the end of each day.

THEN IT HIT ME...  I realized that the one thing I am still struggling with is the monetary amount I am seeking so as to finally be FREE.  I realized that I needed to know and believe w/ all my soul that I already am ABUNDANT and FREE.  I need to stop pretending it will happen and know that it will... to realize that I will find the answers to succeed.  I need to know that I already have sufficient for my needs now and that any extra I have or will have is for sharing with others - which will fulfill all my wants in my DMP.  I know that I have just been PRETENDING and saying that dollar amount of profit from my game in my DMP w/o really expecting or totally believing  it will come true.  I realize that I have to exercise total faith in the idea found in the blue print builder that the dominating thoughts of my mind eventually reproduce themselves in outward, physical action, and gradually transfer themselves into physical reality and that through the principle of auto suggestion any desire that I persistently hold in my mind eventually seeks expression!  I had created the very obstacle to reaching my ultimate goal by how I felt deep inside.  Oh I can imagine how great it will be and can actually feel the joy of having liberty but I realize that I was just pretending that it would actually happen to me.  I get that I need to be in HARMONY W/ MYSELF as well as with the MKMMA team.
I had missed the biggest point in the whole process.... The statement "I AM WHAT I WILL TO BE" needs to be authentic!  I'm starting over with real intent and faith that the laws of the mind are working for me.